I have always hated the word no. It was like a shadow hovered, strangling me with a cord, forcing my lips to breathe out yes. I never understood why I came to be this way. I guess it was the people pleaser in me. 

 I remember the first time I was groped. Guys in middle school were always vicious and had sinister ulterior motives. I thought he was my friend, but as he groped my butt and my breasts he laughed and said “it was just a joke.” His friends said I liked it, that I was asking for it. That night I cried my eyes out realizing I wasn’t seen as a girl, but as an object to touch. Afterwards, I  became an advocate for the “Me Too” movement.

Three years later, my sister sent me an article to read. She said this would change my perspective on who I am as a young woman, and the true disgusting motives of some men. This article followed the experience of Marina Abramovic who was a performance artist. Would you ever trust your fate with a stranger? No? Well she did. 

Marina called this Rhythm 0, an experiment  to see the true intentions of society. She was passive, permissible, and even agreeable. A variety of objects were placed on a table with the intent that any one can pick up the objects and do what they will with it. The objects ranged from feathers, roses, chains, knives, chocolate cake, olive oil, scissors, and even a gun. Many will call Marina mad. Who is insane enough to ever leave their will at a stranger? 

She turned herself into a living object for the sake of true art. For six hours she stood passively and quiet. She was in true submission to strangers. At first it was sweet, some fed her cake, gave her a rose, and placed an innocent kiss on her. Then, like the switch of a lightbulb it turned horrific fast. 

They took scissors and cut off her clothes. One cut the skin on her neck and drank her blood. Another, took the postil, loaded the gun and pointed it at her hand. Unfortunately, one man even tried to rape her. The whole point of this experiment was to show how animalistic and cruel one’s intention can be with a woman.

After I read this article I sobbed. I felt shame for blaming myself over the years as men felt they could do what they wanted with me. It is never a woman’s fault when they are at the cruel stakes of a man. This article still influences my perspective with the social movement. 

Many women have come out with their own stories. We are not mere objects available for male pleasure. We are human. Now, I’ve grown to love the word no. I love to shout it at the top of my lungs, and see the appalled looks on men’s faces as I bruise their ego. It is okay to say no. I know that now. No. No. NO!

This entry is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International license.