You read numerous amounts of literature, scroll through thousands of posts on social media, and watch many films on what it is to be a woman. It is impossible to go through a day without coming across content that isn’t related to women. Especially for me and I bet for many other girls, I surround myself with information and stories, whether it is a new makeup product to purchase, advice from an OBGYN doctor on TikTok, or good and bad experiences people face for being a woman in society. I have been thankful to be present in an era where we can openly speak and write about the life of being a woman, but I now can’t seem to ignore what that life could’ve been for a female in the past, just how much have we progressed and what has remained the same? 

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, a classic. A book I have read three times, and not willingly. It didn’t end up being my favorite novel of Jane Austen despite it being her most famous of all for its romance and for most of all Elizabeth Bennet, a strong female character who didn’t fall into the expectations for a woman at the time. The last time I read this novel, I read it from a unique perspective with the help of my professor. Yes, it was romantic how Mr. Darcy became attracted to Elizabeth, and yes, we admire her denying societal norms her mother, Mrs. Bennet, was enforcing onto her, for her to marry. Elizabeth can be considered a feminist of her time! But when I read deeper is when I realized other aspects of her character. Elizabeth had a friend, Charlotte Lucas, who was Mr. Collins. This was a decision that Elizabeth totally disagreed with because Charlotte wasn’t marrying for romance, instead it was for stability. For all the romantics out there, I know you would agree with her, but let’s think about the time these girls are living in, England during the late 1700s-early 1800s. Women couldn’t own land, they depended on marriage in order to have a home. Although Elizabeth basically shamed Charlotte for her decision, this was her form of survival. Even though we live in 2023 and women have their necessary liberties, we still see characters like Elizabeth today. Many women sometimes need to take necessary actions to survive in this society. Of course, women are capable of so much more things in society now and we deserve the right to do so, it isn’t helpful to judge what a woman must do to survive. There’s no uncomplicated way to just live and ignore your race, your economic situation, your culture, or even your morals. Each woman has their own experience and way of living, and we shouldn’t allow privilege and judgment to shame them for it. 

Perhaps this wasn’t the way Jane Austen intended for her novel to be interpreted, but for me personally, this interpretation opened my eyes in many ways. Society, laws, and rations evolve, but some ideas remain the same, it was surprising for this to be highlighted to me through a Regency Era, a novel written by a white woman. 

When I first read 1984 by George Orwell, I was severely inexperienced with readings like it. I remember feeling a strong sense of terror and dread because of the themes depicted in so many scenes, particularly when the officials were tormenting the protagonist until he fully believed some number plus another equaled something that was not true (like 4+4=9). It was truly unsettling, but not as unsettling as how I’ve come to understand the elements of control and perversion now.

Brainwashing and thought control are usually depicted as things that are complex and, to some who believe they’d never fall for anything like it, something that would be obvious to point out if it was happening. But what many do not recognize is how we have all fallen into the webs of shopping addictions and/or hoarding, based off of all the things we think we want, or more precisely, the things we think we need because others have it. Thought control does not have to be some government-funded plot (not that I’d be shocked if there was one or a thousand out there), but these addictions to material things are all curated and tailored to us via algorithms and subliminal messaging, including specific psychological manipulations woven into modern-day advertisements which seek to meet as many eyes as possible. While 1984 hosts incredible social commentary about tyrannical governments and the element of controlling others to maintain power, I feel it can apply to how capitalism is utilized to keep us busy and wanting. As long as there is a thirst for more random junk we definitely do not need, there will always be a reason to continue running the wheel and earning money. The best examples of this weaponization would be through Instagram or TikTok, as both are so easy to scroll through and get lost within.

I find that evil is as adaptable as the wind. It can take any form, any shape, and any color, slipping past all senses, including our very ability to feel, until it chills us right down to the bone so that we cannot ignore it any longer. Wherever there is a mind, there are several more somewhere trying to control it. As strange as it might sound, 1984 was the first piece of literature to really expose me to the realities of control. Covert and overt methods such as reducing the amount of fun (or agency) we can have to restricting our diets, or convincing us that, unless we are a pile of dusty bones resting against an office chair, we have not done enough work.

I remember coming across a Tiktok post last year by a creator named @crutches_and_spice, where she expressed her frustration for how disabled people have been discarded and basically left for dead throughout the COVID-19 pandemic. She goes into detail on how non-disabled people have been too stubborn and careless with COVID-19 restrictions and protocols, like the lack of mask usage and vaccination, to the point that disabled people are the ones paying the cost. This willful ignorance on a global scale has existed long before 2020 and denotes how we live in and continue to fuel a system that persistently kills disabled people, whether intentionally or not. We can see this in how there is a lack of walkable cities around the US, less accessible buildings, more discrimination towards disabled people in job markets, and so on. The pandemic and its growing number of casualties has only drawn the curtains back and revealed the damage that we as non-disabled people have always inflicted.

My takeaway from her Tiktok and the countless other posts on her page dedicated to disability advocacy is that ableism is truly the root of all evil. Racism, misogyny, and fatphobia all derive from the notion that some bodies are less desirable than others or they possess inferior traits so therefore they must either be degraded, conquered, or ostracized. White supremacy has long instilled this concept that the white cis-gender non-disabled male body should be deemed ideal. This ideal body also informs the modern day beauty standard that, in turn, dominates our perception of attraction and relationships. All in all, that Tiktok post opened my eyes the many ways that ableism is the origin of most forms of bigotry and that we all contribute to it in some way, shape, or form. The poorly-handled pandemic is just a byproduct of that corrupt system.

Personally, after binging her content, I began to reflect on the role that I play in the grand scheme of things. Do I act ableist? Have I taken COVID-19 seriously? What can I do to prevent behaving or thinking in an ableist way? These are questions that have shaped the way I behave moving forward. I ensure that I wear my mask more regularly and get tested often if I experience symptoms. I am mindful of the elderly people in my family who are vulnerable. I try to go to as little public gatherings as possible. I make sure that my peers are aware that the pandemic is still ongoing and should also be mindful. Although the US is currently doing better in regard to COVID-19, it is still paramount that we check ourselves on our own privilege and the impact we have on the disabled community.

Literacy has the power to change your viewpoint on almost any standpoint or idea. As a young writer and novelist, fictional stories, either realistic or scientific, have helped build my awareness of social issues. Mental health is one of those social issues that has always affected people in our community. But one of the extraordinary aspects of mental health issues is how it can be viewed in different social lenses, depending on how others perceive those people struggling with mental health problems.  One of my favorite books that I continuously look back on is called The Perks Of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.

To summarize, the book follows a high school adolescent with PTSD and depression from an abusive childhood. Throughout most of the story, all the main character Charlie tries to do is fit in and find his place in the world while battling with this mental illness that tries to isolate him from others and makes it harder for him to make friends and find love. Now this book may not affect everyone the same way, but it did change how I process social issues like mental health slightly. The reason I resonated with this book is that in some ways I could relate to this introverted yet interesting character that the author has created. 

As a person that also suffered from mental health problems, I see the world through a different lens from how other people do. These metaphorical lenses that I created caused me to lose confidence in myself. Part of me hated myself because everything anything I did, weird or abnormal, made me feel disgusted with myself. I had a hard time fitting in, and learning how to be social. But then I picked up reading a bit more. As I got older and wanted to learn more about the world, books like these just flicked a switch in my head. Seeing this kid fight for friends and the love of his life in ways that only he knew he could become inspirational. At the end of Perks of Being a Wallflower, I and Charlie both realized that the way we see the world isn’t a bad thing. It may sound cliche but being unique and seeing the world through our eyes is not just black and white. Literacy has taught me that it’s okay to be different and that the way we live doesn’t have to be conventional in the slightest.

I read Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury in high school and never thought it would become a reality. Never even though that book, which was considered a classic, would be banned during my lifetime.
Many think that I’m an extremist for saying that the book-burning practices of the Nazi party are the same as the book-banning here in the United States. However, it is being done with the same purpose of keeping people away from a certain type of material that is not allied with the message of the oppressor. The only books that are being banned are books that provide knowledge to those who need it the most, and validation to those who can’t find it in a world that would rather see them dead. Here in the US, it’s being done on a relatively small scale however it is just a matter of time before it begins to happen on a larger one.
A couple of years ago my father told me that he would love to move to Florida, but now I doubt that a man who was an atheist, a fantasy reader, with a bisexual daughter, and two transgender sons would be welcomed in Florida.
How long will it take before the US starts burning books and persecuting people for reading books they are not supposed to? In any case, the state should not have the power to decide what books should be allowed in the classrooms. It is frightening to think that All Boys Aren’t Blue by George M. Johnson is now one of the most banned books in the US. It feels like yesterday that my friends and I had picked it for our book of the month; we were just excited to read it and talk about it with each other. How many other books I have read or plan to read will be banned or have been banned in the US and I am just not aware of it? The thought of not being able to escape into a new world and leave this one behind scares me. Even more so when life right now feels like a never-ending collection of dystopian novels that keep on repeating themselves. Not one of those books ends before a new one starts.
My friends keep on telling me that I’ll be fine if they banned all the books in the world just because I have maladaptive daydreaming and that I should be grateful for it. But I don’t want to just daydream, I want to be able to see what other people dream about. I want to be able to be in a fictional world of my choosing, I want to be able to live a million different realities.

I remember that I used to feel a little crazy; wanting to be perceived as pretty (by other women ♡)  but really hating male attention.  I would cover every patch of skin on my body—coat on top of hoodies on top of long sleeve shirts in late May— but there was still that nagging expectation to try and be pretty enough, so when I felt brave I’d shed my layers only to recoil because teenage boys can’t get past the fact that secondary sexual traits exist for reasons beyond their own existence.  I’d go out and post pictures on instagram because you just have to, and my comments would flood with unwanted comments from men older than my father and delete it, just to reupload and cross my fingers it didn’t happen again because you just have to.

 It’s crazy, the more you think about it.  Feel pushed to be pretty (because how dare you look ugly) so you shave, straighten your hair, paint your nails, wax your face if you have to—just look beautiful. There was always something to nitpick, still. Now, it was the fact that you had to do all those things to look pretty, you were unnatural. Then it was the looks given boys whose attention would go ignored because we weren’t aware that when they told us to be pretty, it was to please everyone but our own target audience. I would have someone make a comment or get waaaaaay to close for comfort and decide that I should just start hiding again (not that it actually stopped some people).  It was like a whirlpool in my mind, and I hated it!  I blamed no one, though. I used to be an apologist (GROSS), and some of us still are,  because families teach us that it was cute when guys were persistent since they only wanted attention, and with egos so fragile they can’t comprehend rejection; so, speak softly and let them down gently— but not really! Instead just laugh off their words because they get angry (?) and that would somehow be my fault. 

One day, I came across a poem, “Song of the Prettybird” by Shay Alexi Stewart somewhere on instagram, and I was just blown away! Every-little-thing that made me feel utterly insane was amalgamated into this poem about prettybird—who actually can’t just be a pretty bird because that is absurd! Prettybird has to be pretty when they decide it matters and “pretty” when they say it doesn’t. But reading that for the first time felt like the pressure of a headache just fading away; I wasn’t crazy and it certainly wasn’t my fault the world was spinning. I’ve been as active as I could be in the conversation since; speaking up more often and becoming comfortable in my skin as the years have gone by.